Trust is like a paper, once it's crumpled it cant be perfect.

I never trusted anyone until I met you. I never did and never intended to. I thought that if I didnt, then nobody could hurt me. I feel like I'm in a shell where nobody can touch me. I'll be...immortal. I used to laugh at people who goes through this kinda stuff. Then you came along. :/ You showed me, how it felt like to have all your trust on someone. I trusted you with my life man. I believed if I got run down by a car you would jump out and push me away, like how I would have done for you. I dont really open up much. Damn alot of people ask me why I dont open up much i just say I'm that kinda person. Actually theres alot of stuff that even my closest friends don't know about me. Because I lack trust.

No expectations = No disappointments.

Looking back, I wonder, what happened to us? What happened to me and you. We used to be unstoppable man. And then stuff started happening, our trust started crumpling, bit by bit, and inside it killed me, bit by bit. Until now, all this pain have made me numb. I forbade myself to feel the pain anymore. That trust you broke, that trust that taught me how to trust that you took away. Took away my trust for everyone else too. It took away my trust for everyone else too. Well truth is everyone's gonna hurt you. You just have to find those worth fighting for. But isnt it better if people just built walls around their heart, so nothing can penetrate in so you wouldn't feel any pain in the first place...? Well that was what I used to do. Before I met you I trusted nobody. I'm serious. You taught me how to trust and now.......ugh.

Tch, you dont think I care?!

Seriously, you really dont think I care do you. I'm sorry for raising my voice. It almost killed me when the one I was quarelling with was you. But if I dont have your trust, what for we continue on like this? Futile efforts to make us better. I went out of my way to do everything I can for you. I protected you, I took all the blame, all I did I had you in my mind. And this is how you repay me. That you say I dont care? How am I supposed to care when you dont tell me things. I know you dont want me to worry. I understand that. I know that you dont want me to see you when you cry because of over worrying. but why just why are you becoming more and more distant. Why are we continue-ing on like this if you are so.....stubborn. More and more faraway from me. We dont even talk on the phone anymore dammit. Ugh. Above it all I really do still care for you. I know you do too, I see it in your eyes. I'm sorry for raising my voice, I'm sorry for not controlling my temper. You have no idea how much it killed me when I saw your face tear streaked and hurt. But if we're going to be like this, I guess its better for you, if I just left.

Btw, I still love you.

I know it hurts...

The tears you've kept in, the tears you keep fighting back, the pain you've kept bottle-ed up, the time you wet my shirt from your tears, the time you was so stupid as to hurt yourself. Dont. Dont do all this to yourself any more. I always thought you were really strong, until that day when I saw you cry, until that day where my shirt was all wet because of your tears, until that day when I saw your vulnerable side. Just let it all out and the pain will go away eventually. I'll be by you, promise. Always, until you throw me away. I'll be beside you.

Iloveyou :)

Japan (An extremely lazy post)

Okay I really dont want to go all wordsy and shit. Because I'm too lazy to, LOL. So I'll just let the photos go the talking. Its Autumn in Japan so allthe leaves are like red/orange/yellow. damn pretty. I'm too lazy to post up pictures on my blog either so go check it out on Facebook :) All taken by MUAA. Heres a few,

Mount Fuji.

Autumn colours!

That mountain again.

More autumn colours! :D

Okay since its my 3rd post today ( damn rajin for you all tau ) I'm too lazy so I'm gna go now. Ask me or CHECK MY FACEBOOK for Jap pictures. The albums called "Autumn colours in the city of the rising sun" :)

Byeeeeeeeee. Much lovee! xx

Life is your playground.

Dreams are like the paints of a great artist,

Your dreams are your colours,

The world your canvas,

And believing is the brush that converts your dreams into a masterpiece of reality.

*No, I did not steal that picture of tumblr/google. I took it myself in Japan :)

I'M BACK.

I KNOW. I KNOW. HI.(Thats my current fb profile picture btw)

I'm so so so sorry that I've been gone for so long. Because I've been to Japan. And yes, everyone, stop pestering me for updates! I'M BACK. I suddenly felt like blogging again :) Yes I've been well :) And heres finally, after long last, a normal post.

I've been missing someone alot lately. I had no idea that we would get this close, in fact, all the drama we've been through, all the shit, all the gossip, I never thought we'd ever even be close to close friends. But now all of a sudden I find great joy in talking to you, and that we're totally cool despite me being all English and you being all non English, LOL. Its rare that I get along so well with not good english speakers. And all of a sudden we both realized, hey, we really missed each other in our absence. I miss you! mwahh>

We've all been through moments. Moments where we're totally torn, moments where someone, something emotionally bashes you up. Takes your heart and throws it to the floor. I can tell you, it'll cut deeper than a knife, it would take pain to a whole new level, its much more painful than a physical scar. A scar deep inside your heart. Where some bitch just decided "hey you know what?" *stabs your heart* smiles and leaves. I've seen my friends go through this, being drunk as hell, throwing up all over the place, crying until you have no more tears left to cry, sprawling like a lifeless body, eating then throwing up then eating more and throwing up more again, looping depressing songs, singing depressing songs into the dark, just hoping that one day you would get over him/her, or better still, be in love again. Well, it hurts. It hurts to see friends like that. Yes its living hell, but we'll walk through it together. Just stay strong and please don't do anything stupid. Because you'll look back and laugh one day, just not now, and please realize, the pain will go away. It takes time, but it will go away. I promise.

Recently, I've been very worried. Worried about just about how everything would turn out. And I pray that everything would turn out okay :/ Because I really really sincerely hope, everything would turn out fine. I've so much on my plate now, IGCSE, visas, time management, ect. And I just feel so lost. Utterly, just... blind. Aih. I wish I could just chill all day. I wish life wasn't complicated. I wish I didn't have to deal with this shit. But I chose this path, and I'll continue on. And somehow... everything would turn out okay.

And something else. Its back. again. -.- Its back its back its back its back. I dont know why, but its back :( Like how it always starts..... and the endings never really pretty. And I'm trying my bestersherest to not embark on this anymore.

THIS POST JUST GOT REALLY WORDSY. So I'm leaving it there! Baii loveeesss ;)

P.S: I dont know why theres a random white box there and the fonts messed. -.- my blogs being retarded.

I know, I know

I've been gone for awhile. Been really busy with visa and exams. Okay so heres some stuff to fill you guys in while I'm gone.

Everyone agrees you're annoying and it was bliss when you're gone.

I'm going to Japan tomorrow.

I hate you.

I miss you.

Dont change who you are.

Visa's a pain in the ass.

My visa agent is a pain in the ass too.

I'm getting fatter and my mums not pleased because I'm losing my body. LOL.

I shall end with this picture of me chugging down some ;)

Try hard, attention whore.

Embrace what you are. If you're pretty or not pretty, its God given. Why are you so desprate and trying so hard to look pretty? You may not be the type who can make boy's head's turn when you walk past but you still look good. How could people love you if you dont even love yourself? Why are you trying to change the facts about yourself? Nobody's going to love you unless you love yourself.