Friday, March 4, 2011

You know when your life feels like its a mess?

I feel like that now. I seriously do not know what the fuck is wrong with me. Someone please come and tell me. I don't really be sad here. Because if I really do be sad, I dont really have friend's to go to. Well I do, but their all like in London. So its kinda sad sometimes, so I just dont allow myself to feel any depression whatsoever. And tonight, I dont know why, all my doubts and fears just came rushing out. Everything I kept pushing down. And I didn't really know what to do, so I just sat there zoned out. Like What if I disappoint my parents?! What if I do stuff that I'm still illegal to?! What if... I really. really don't know. And suddenly my life just felt totally pointless. Like why the hell am I even doing man. What the fuck will happen to me? Will I just be like lost and wandering the whole time, or get swallowed and give in to peer pressure. I don't really know who I am anymore. Fuck it man I totally lost what I used to be. And I want it back. So badly. I totally just felt like a fucking failure. I fail in life.

I don't want to be what the world wants me to be. Eventhough I'm slowly falling into temptation, I'm really glad that I didn't leave to go drinking and partying when there was nobody to open the doors to youth and I was just standing there in the cold. Some kinda accomplishment perhaps. But I really don't know what to do. Heck I don't even know what to do tomorrow ._. FML. I give the fuck up. I'm just gonna let life win until I stop being so depressed and shit.

I need a really big hug :(

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